PSN Issue
By: 
As a mother with two children on the autism spectrum, I’ve
heard some whopper stories about how grandparents just “don’t get it”
and some wonderful stories of those that do. If you have a
grandchild or grandchildren that have special needs (be it
developmental, physical, emotional or behavioral disabilities), I have
some suggestions on how you can be a fabulous grandparent.
Getting an understanding of what disability your
grandchild has
You don’t have to be an expert, but ,
do take the time to get some basic facts about the challenges and
struggles your grandchild may be experiencing. “I’m in awe of
my parents,” claims Leila, whose child has a rare form of
epilepsy. When their grandchild, Clare, was first diagnosed,
they combed the internet and libraries for information about the
disorder. “My parents understand what needs to be done in
case Clare has a seizure.” It has given Leila and her husband
a lot of comfort to know that her parents can handle Clare in an
emergency when they visit them.
To be a great grandparent, you need to be a great parent too
Your grandchild will be struggling with their disability, but
your child could be struggling too. “I haven’t had dinner out
with my wife in over nine months,” stated Bill. “We are too exhausted
to do it and when we do, we spend our entire time talking about our
child.” Parents of special needs kids have an extremely high divorce
rate (for parents with a child with autism, it is around 80%) due to
the stress and strains of having a special needs child. Your
child may need a friendly ear or a shoulder to cry upon.
Encourage your child and their spouse take time for
themselves as a couple. If you are able to baby sit for them,
so much the better.
Maintain frequent contact
With grandchildren that do not live locally, this can be
tough. However, frequent phone calls and letters are a great way to
connect with your grandchild. One friend installed a computer
videophone in her and her parent’s computer. Each day, her
children have a brief video phone call with her parents. “I
love talking to my Nana each day on the computer!” exclaims Joe, who
has Asperger’s, a form of autism. For very young children,
create a photo book of you so they can always have you close.
Love your grandchild as they are, warts and all
This may seem obvious, but it is the most common complaint I
hear from special needs parents about their own parents. Well
meaning grandparents often assume the role of telling the parents that
they “should be” doing this or that to “correct” their child.
A special needs child is bombarded by therapists, teachers
and parents working to change something about them.
Grandparents are lucky to be the ones who can embrace their
child as they are – take advantage of it! Your grandchild
will truly bask in your unconditional love.
Have fun!
Carol loves to tell stories about her late father’s role in
her daughter Annie’s life. Annie has Down Syndrome. The best
one is Carol’s story about how Annie remembers him: I asked
Annie what she remembered about Grandpa. She remembers mini
golf, bowling, board games, dancing, baking chocolate chip cookies,
learning to count money (gambling!) and learning how to read.
She remembered his big kisses and big waves. She
remembered how he was even better than Santa at Christmastime.
He was her cheerleader. He was my cheerleader.
Carol was extremely fortunate to have such a wonderful father and Annie
such a wonderful grandpa. As parents of special needs
children, it is often our role to educate those around us about our
child’s disability. Unfortunatel y, grandparents are
sometimes include d in those we need to educate. However,
most grandparents do want to help and support their children and grand
children , they just don’t know how. Consider using this
article as a step in giving grandparents a chance to be a positive
force in your child’s life.
Disclaimer: All information on this site is of a general nature and is furnished for knowledge and understanding only.