For the past thirteen years, I have been studying
social skills and “social thinking” (ref. www.socialthinking.com , Michelle G. Winner). If
you haven’t heard of this and are having challenges with
your child when they are around others, find out more by accessing this
site. Social thinking is the key for
all of us in adapting to and successfully functioning in whatever
environment we
are in.
Social thinking and using appropriate social skills
can be difficult for many children…and adults. I
have recently become aware, by studying with staff from
the H.A.N.D.L.E. Institute (www.handle.org),
that the sensory system is at the core of being social. Judith
Bluestone,
author of The Fabric of Autism, herself autistic, explained
that though
she was cognitively aware that she could not function socially, her
sensory
processing challenges would not allow her to “be social.”
As soon as she was able to manage these
systems, she was then able to think about what others were thinking and
could
interact with them appropriately.
If a person cannot tolerate the sight, smell or
feel of being around others, they may find being social nearly
impossible. If they are not aware of where
their
body is in space, are unable to look directly at others due to visual
processing issues, find sound and unexpected touch fearful, anxiety may
prevail, and they will find it difficult to be social.
Yes, we can teach children the “tricks”
of being social. We can teach what
to say, how to say it, and even when to say it, but this will not
suffice if
the sensory systems are not prepared to accept the input and read the
cues from
the environment!
A perfect example of this occurred to me while I
was working with one of my students.
As I began talking to him, he told me to “stop talking”. I kept talking for a few moments, but
when he asked me again, I realized that my verbal input, perhaps my
vocal tone,
or maybe even just the sound of my voice was overwhelming to him. I stopped talking. In
fact, I didn’t speak for the entire
hour. This child did not once ask
me to talk. His demeanor changed,
and his attitude, previously resistant to direction, changed as well. He became willing to interact socially
through gesture and written messages, and he was willing to follow
nonverbal
directions. This was actually one of the best sessions to date!
So, how do you prepare your child to go back to
school? My suggestion is that you watch
your child closely. Observe their
sensory challenges and be sensitive to them. Make
sure that in their environment, the teacher and other
students are aware of what makes them feel uneasy, over stimulated,
unaccepted or
left out. Use social stories,
cartoon conversations (www.graycenter.org)
and sensory input (www.out-of-sync-child.com)
to calm and integrate the sensory systems so that your child can
understand
what is going to happen. Some
children need to know how it will look, smell, sound, and possibly feel. If there is going to be a new teacher,
school, or classroom, visiting a few times before the school year
begins to
meet the teacher, see the environment, and get used to the “feel” of
the place
is an excellent idea. Take walks down the halls, meet the office
personnel,
walk through and sit in the cafeteria.
All of this may “take the edge” off of the new experience.
Sometimes, just talking about a new experience may
be sufficient, but for many children, visual input is also important. (www.usevisualstrategies.com). Take pictures of the new teacher, the classroom, the
school, the
hallways, etc. Make stories
about going to school. Make a book about the school day.
Begin creating schedules (www.do-n-slide.com).
All of these steps
will help to ease anxiety, the greatest problem for a new year.
If you are returning to a previously familiar
environment, focus on the new aspects of this particular year. Remind your child that there will
possibly be a new time for lunch, new teachers, students or other
“unexpected”
surprises. Teach your child to be on the lookout for things that are
the same
(comforting) and things that are different (possibly anxiety
producing).
Listen to what your child is saying or focusing
on. Reflect what you hear him
say. DO NOT tell him there is
“nothing to worry about.” That may
be your perspective, but in their perception, something may be very
troublesome. While providing answers about what will happen is helpful,
it will
be even more important to be a good listener and sounding board. For example, if your child asks “What
will my new teacher be like?” instead of saying, “I’m sure she will be
very
nice!” you might reflect on your child’s thought by saying, “You are
wondering
what she’ll be like.” By saying this, you are then opening the door for
further
questions and wonderings about the new teacher. The
fact
remains, this is an unknown. You don’t know. Your child doesn’t know.
That’s okay. Keeping the doors of
communication open is the important part! (www.raisingsmallsouls.com).
Your
excitement and reassurance will serve to “set the stage” for the new year. All
the while, remember that the way you process the world and the way your
child
processes the world may not be the same. Respect their point of view,
and work
to help them to figure out how to adapt to the current situation.
May your new
school year be the best one yet!
Here are a few
resources and books to add to your
summer/fall reading list:
Feel
free to contact me at dbwex@mindspring.com.
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