PSN Issue
Does
this sound familiar? Do you have to say things three or
four times before your child finally complies with your request?
Frustrating, isn’t
it?
You’re
not alone. The biggest complaint that most parents
have is that their child doesn’t listen the first time.
There
are lots of reasons why your child may not be
listening the first time. Listed below are five reasons why kids tend
to ignore
their parents’ requests and solutions for turning the behavior around.
These
tips come from the online audio class “Get Your Child to Listen the
First Time!”
which gives you 19 options for reducing your stress by getting your
kids to
listen the first time.
Reasons
Why Kids Ignore Parents
1.
Parent error!
Any statement that you make to your kids can either be said in a
positive way
or a negative way. The positive approach is likely to gain more
compliance.
Negative statements are more likely to alienate or irritate your child.
For
instance, you can say: “Look what you just did! How many
times do I have to tell you to take your shoes off at the door?!”
How
would your child feel hearing this? Ashamed? Upset?
Humiliated?
Or
you could say: “Shoes stay on the rug.”
How
would your child feel hearing this statement?
Probably
OK, right?
Solution: Really
examine the word choices you’re making. As often as you can, use
positive
communication when telling your child to do something. Strive to use
positive
phrases 95% of the time.
2.
It’s hard to
leave a desirable activity for an undesirable one.
Let’s
say your child is playing on the computer and you say
“Shut off the computer and come unload the dishwasher.”
Hmmm…
Computer?? Dishwasher???
What do you think your child would rather do?
Solution:
Empathize with your child about how hard it is to
leave an activity that s/he enjoys. Provide the child with a 10-minute
warning,
a 2-minute warning and then place your hand on the child’s shoulder and
establish eye contact to move through the change of activity. Or have
the child
use a timer. Enforce a logical consequence if your child does not
comply.
3.
Stressors in
the family.
Health
concerns, a pending divorce, a death in the family,
adapting to a new school, or other problems could be causing your child
extra
stress.
Many
of these problems are beyond a child’s control and so
s/he will try to take control back by being more “defiant” to a
parent’s
requests.
Solution: Provide
empathy. Your child is going through a tough time and responding with
kindness
and understanding will help your child more than “laying down the law.”
You
should still require your child to do what you’ve asked, but use a soft
touch
when you can. Provide extra hugs and allow the child to make
choices in other areas.
4.
Your child’s
developmental age.
The
developmental tasks of separating from you and exerting
power and control are more pronounced during different stages of
development. Parents with children ages 3, 5, 11
and 13+ seem to experience the
most difficulty.
Solution: Don’t
take this behavior personally. Create a mantra like “It’s
developmental.” Say
this mantra to yourself when your child is being defiant so you keep
your cool
and stay on task in getting the job done.
5.
It works!
Let’s
say that you ask your child to pick up the toys off
the floor so you can vacuum. Your child doesn’t pick up the toys, so
you just
clean up the toys so you can get done vacuuming.
What
has your child learned? Mom and Dad will mop up after
me if I hold out long enough.
Solution: Make sure
that your child follows through with requests you make. Set up a
consequence
for noncompliance and follow through.
About Author: Toni Schutta,
Parent Coach,
M.A., L.P. provides parents with practical
solutions that
work. Visit http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/7mistakessignup.html
to receive the free mini-course “The 7
Worst Mistakes Parents Make (and How to Avoid Them!)” The audio
class, “Get
Your Child to Listen the FIRST Time” is available at www.getparentinghelpnow.com
Disclaimer: All information on this site is of a general nature and is furnished for knowledge and understanding only.