Planning Ahead For A Great Year BY Understanding Your Child’s Needs And How To Boost Self-Esteem

By: Douglas Haddad

“The amazing thing about being you is that there is something in the world that you are the best at; that no one else can do like you can.  You just have to go find it.”

-MR. BLAIR

(My 12^th grade English teacher)

The ultimate goal for any child is to experience a total fulfillment and maximizing of one’s potential despite any perceived and/or real limitations.  Special needs children should be able to communicate their own thoughts, needs, opinions, and wishes with support from educators, family, classmates, and friends.  Is it that easy for a child to freely communicate their needs and feel comfortable in their own skin?  There are many people involved in the development process of a child, especially those with special needs.

Threats to self-esteem in students with learning disabilities

While there is no menu of characteristics that captures the threats to self-esteem in individuals with learning disabilities (LD), there are a number of traits, frequently observed in people with LD that contribute to feelings of low self-worth. One interesting research finding is that by itself, having the special education classification of specific LD has not been shown to have a negative impact on self-esteem.  Rather, there are several factors that seem to impact self-esteem in individuals with LD in negative ways. 

The factors below are taken from studies conducted by The National Academy for Learning Disabilities (NCLD). http://www.ncld.org

Communication style and social cognition

• Seems to be overly egocentric and not interested in the responses of other   speakers (when nothing could be farther from the truth),
• Has difficulty judging when it is her/his turn to participate in a conversation,
• May misinterpret feelings and emotions of others and not realize when their behaviors are bothersome or annoying,
• May have problems with visual spatial planning and self-regulation, resulting in difficulties judging how close to stand to someone during conversation, how to assume and maintain a relaxed posture, and when it might be appropriate to touch.

Self-knowledge

• Not sure how to understand or explain personal strengths and weaknesses to others,
• Is a poor self-observer and has trouble sizing up and reflecting upon what is going right (and wrong) during social interactions.

Language

• Has limited vocabulary or difficulty retrieving the right words for the situation,
• Is weak in verbal pragmatics (fitting the use of language to social situations)—For example, not knowing when (or how) to laugh without offending the listener,
• Has trouble with topic selection and knowing when to stop a conversation,
• Talks around a topic and provides less critical (and more extraneous) information in response to a question,
• Is more likely to repeat rather than clarify when asked to expand upon an explanation,
• Is more likely to use gestures and demonstrations when sharing information.

Self-perceived social status

• Has great difficulty knowing how he/she fits into a peer group, which often results in 'hanging back' or being a passive (rather than active) participant in activities,
• Has limited success 'self-marketing' and getting noticed in positive ways within a peer group,
• Perceives self as less popular and more frequently rejected or ignored by peers (sometimes resulting in further self-imposed isolation).

Expectations by others

• Is repeatedly confronted with messages of low expectations for academic achievement by teachers and parents,
• Is frequently (albeit not intentionally) the target of spoken and unspoken messages of disappointment and lowered expectation by parents and others,
• Is viewed as having diminished potential for success, even with services and support in school and at home.

Locus of control

• Believes that outcomes are controlled by external influences (luck, chance, fate) rather than as a result of their own internal efforts,
• Assumes a posture of "learned helplessness", that is to say, they assume that because they struggled with something in the past, there is little they can do to change a negative outcome in the future, so they stop trying and hope for the best.

How can we boost a child’s self-esteem?

·      First and foremost, a child must understand what self-esteem is and how he/she is feeling before progress can take place.  Help a child draw or write out what high self-esteem looks like compared to low self-esteem.  This activity would educate a child on how to achieve high self-esteem.

·      Students with learning disabilities need order in their lives (especially). Structure in the form of a consistent daily routine is very important.  Encouraging what he/she enjoys doing and feels comfortable doing will greatly build the child’s inner strengths and self-esteem. 

·      In the classroom, position the student next to a cooperative individual as a “study buddy”. This will lend itself well for seeing a good peer role-model and helps set a child up to become more successful.  It may also create a lasting bond/friendship with someone who is a good influence.

·      Have the child write down things that he/she CAN DO.  He/she should start each sentence with the empowering words, “I CAN…”  Words of strength are keys to building self-esteem.

·      Teach the child that it takes consistent practice to develop the skills to become proficient at a certain activity.  Experts often fail many times before they achieve success.  A child would be more likely to persevere if he/she feels the goal is attainable.

·      Have the child think for himself/herself and accept responsibility for his/her actions.

For more information on helping a child obtain overall SUPER HEALTH, please visit:  http//www.douglashaddad.com

Douglas Haddad, Ph.D. (“Dr. Doug”) is the author of parenting/child guidance book Save Your Kids…Now!  The Revolutionary Guide To Helping Youth Conquer Today’s Challenges