Self-Esteem: Make It Grow!

Self-esteem is the value you place on yourself. When building self-esteem in your special need’s child, you should first understand the nature of his/her disability. Then, you should consider all of the other things he can do, and focus on them. Build on successes. Negative self-esteem contributes to addiction, abuse, depression, poor grades and even crime. Focus on strengths rather than weaknesses and concentrate on what your child does right rather than wrong. Even though your child may have difficulty reading, he can still be great at baseball. Even though he may not be feel comfortable sharing his feelings verbally, he may express them through music or art.

Communicate openly with your child and let him know that he can confide in you. Ask him a question or make a statement and wait for him to respond. Let him know you value his opinion and be a good listener. Reassure him that you understand how he feels or that you appreciate a job well done. Make an effort to get involved in the community and enter social situations. Make sure the activities are developmentally appropriate and offer the supervision your child may need. Inclusion is the best way to build a sense of belonging. To prepare your child to interact appropriately, you may practice role playing for situations. For example, you may rehearse social scripts such as making a new friend or ordering in a restaurant. Start by talking about the best thing that happened today. The way you and others interact with your child will affect how he views himself, so it is important to try and make these interactions positive.

It may seem like you have a larger responsibility than most parents, but know that you can still assign your child some responsibility of his own. Make sure your expectations are reasonable. Acting on his own will foster independence and encourage him to make decisions. Offer choices. Even if your child is non-verbal, he can point to indicate which cereal he prefers or which color shirt he likes the best. If one strategy doesn’t work, don’t force it. Instead, try something new. Make sure his environment is safe, supportive and stimulating for his senses.

It is important that he is able to develop his own identity, or sense of self, as he grows. This identity must be positive rather than a negative label like “autistic” or “learning disabled”. Promote self-expression by reinforcing your child’s interests through books, art and field trips. For example, if your child is interested in the solar system, join him in watching the phases of the moon each evening. You can chart observable changes on a calendar or draw pictures of what you see. You may also go to the library and take home his favorite books on this topic to read and discuss together. If your budget permits, you may choose to invest in a basic telescope or binoculars from the toy store. These experiences will stimulate his senses and increase his sense of self.

Although your child may have a special need, their most important need of all is to be loved and accepted for who they are. You cannot change your child, but, upon understanding his disability and what he can do, you can maintain a positive outlook and provide the hope and encouragement that will boost his self-esteem. Keep a sense of humor and remember to have fun and adapt to situations. As you know, things do not always go as you plan. Your child pays attention to what you do and say. Be a positive role model for your child, as his self-esteem may count on it.

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