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A Dad’s Insights Toward Finding His Son a Home
Parents and caregivers may not always be there to care for a loved one with special needs. Choosing the right home takes time and research. Tony Mancuso shares insight from his journey to find the right home for his son, Adam, and to help others with their search.
Lessons Learned and a Vow Almost Impossible to Keep
By Tony Mancuso
When a child is born, a life-long special bond of love develops. As time goes on, this bond intensifies, especially if our child is special needs, and we realize that our child requires so much of our support and care. We solemnly vow that we will always be there for them, which is sincere and true at the time, but after thirty, forty years or more, the vow is almost impossible to keep.
Over time, the decision to consider another home for them becomes evident, and it is never easy. As parents and caregivers age, their ability to care for their loved one deteriorates, and ultimately, at some point, they will not be physically or mentally able to care for them.
Now that we are in our seventies, my wife and I wanted our special needs son to have a home where he would be safe and cared for the remainder of his years. Not just a home, but a place where he can feel the other residents are family.
In our case, finding the right home took a few years. Our son is intellectually impaired and has significant physical disabilities. He is considered fragile. We wanted a place that would be able to provide the services and support he requires, as well as provide a welcoming home.
There is a distinct advantage of finding a group home when you can still look for homes and research them. It gives you the options that are not available when an individual is placed in a group home in a crisis situation.
Finding a group home does not have to be a heart-wrenching experience. While it may have some upsetting moments, ultimately, it will provide you with peace of mind knowing your child is in a good home.
What to Consider When Searching for the Right Home
When looking for a home, consider this: the only real difference between an institution and a home is not the brick and mortar of the house or building; it is the compassion, care, and, yes, love that is offered to the residents every day.
When searching for a group home, it is very important to find out what services and supports it offers and whether it has the appropriate staff to provide them.
Confirm the Medicaid/Waiver classification of the special needs individual you are looking to have reside in a group home. For example, are their disabilities classified as moderate or extensive level 1? This will affect the funding that will be available, which will directly affect the support and services that can be provided.
It is helpful if you allow plenty of time to research group homes and are willing to look outside your state. Remember that the placement is a long-term proposition.
Many facets may be utilized to help in your search. There is the internet, state agencies, organizations for disabled and special needs individuals, support groups, reviews, state ratings, and reaching out and visiting existing group homes, just to name a few.
Establish a Special Needs Trust Fund to protect funds belonging to the individual who will be moving into the home. You may also want to consider a savings account or investment fund in your name to accumulate funds that could be used to partner with other families to build a new group home.
Make sure you have guardianship over the special needs individual.
Don’t become discouraged if you find the search tedious at times. There are many homes to choose from.
What to Do When You Find a Home You Like
When you find a group home that you like, do a thorough background check on it. If possible, see if the group home allows you to contact a resident’s family.
Establish a positive rapport with the group home. You may want to consider some volunteer work at the home to get an inside look at how good the home is.
Be open to some compromises, but speak up if you see something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Verify what your visiting rights are and how often your son/daughter can come home for a visit.
With all that in mind, we partnered with an organization on the Treasure Coast of Florida, planning to build a medically fragile group home. We had the opportunity to provide input during the construction and are now transitioning our son to his new (and other) home.
Heroes
Some years ago, I was asked what kind of hero I would like to be if I had a choice.
At that time, I couldn’t answer. Now I have an answer: Heroes can be more than one person; heroes can perform heroic deeds more than once, and heroes never realize they are one.
People involved in health and social services, industries that provide medications and medical devices, medical researchers, advocates, parents, caregivers, and pro-active legislators are all heroes for special needs individuals.
All are pursuing to find a cure for those afflicted with disabilities.
I am privileged to know many of them!
Tony Mancuso
PHOTOS COURTESY THE MANCUSO FAMILY
Helpful Articles
- When Is the Right Time to Transition from Your Home to a Group Home?
- Group Homes: Can My Experience Help You?
- Preparing for the First Apartment: Beyond Home Furnishings and Domestic Supplies
- Beresford West: Improved Living Accommodation Work!
- Welcome to Amanda’s “Tiny Mansion!”
- Let’s Take a Tour of Amanda’s “Tiny Mansion”
- Welcome to Dylan’s House
- 5% Unknown Factors That Ended Our Son’s Medically Fragile Home Dream
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This post originally appeared on our May/June 2024 Magazine
